pay: okay fine ill watch naruto
pay: actually no im going to write a fake episode script for it like how i did for evangelion

NARUTO EPISODE 1

it was really really hard to find just Naruto and not shippuden. anyway

this was really an experience for me i think. do i really have to give a plot summary to the first episode of naruto? probably not but i will anyway.

it's really funny how i was right about the opening scene in a very roundabout way. we open on an exterior shot of ninja forest (the hidden leaf village) and there are ninjas.

there is, also,

a giant fucking demon fox attacking the village.

it's only defeated by a second giant fucking monster being led by the fourth hokage. during this fight, Baby Naruto is born! and a little swirly appears on his tummy.


and now we cut to Present Day naruto. who is a PRANKSTER and a NUISANCE and it's really funny. he graffitis ninja mt. rushmore and his teacher iruka is really mad at him for it.


also i just wanna point out that before he got his headband he had fucking goggles??!?!! ive never seen him with the goggles before in my life he looks like a little pilot!!!! or like a bug hunter or something.

anyway we learn that naruto can't graduate from ninja school because he doesn't take his jutsus seriously and he's really bad at clone jutsu. we get to see sakura and sasuke for a total of like 2 minutes and when i saw sasuke i wanted to scream he's so EMO. sakura is cute. the other girlie was there too just for 1 line but i dont remember her name. not the blonde girl in the second screenshot the other other girlie

naruto is really really sad that he doesnt get to graduate, so his other teacher(?), misaki, takes him aside to talk to him and give him some advice. misaki basically tells naruto that iruka doesn't hate him and he just wants to see naruto succeed. misaki tells naruto about A Secret that he could use in order to graduate. wow what a nice and polite and normal guy


so misaki actually just tricked naruto into stealing a sacred scroll and now there's a ninja manhunt for him. misaki also goes "Heh! This is my moment! im going to KILL NARUTO and TAKE THE SCROLL from him!" the tonal whiplash is CRAZY misaki is SO FUCKING MEAN???!

iruka finds naruto first and naruto is sooo excited to show iruka the new jutsu move he learned and then there's a whole misaki fight and it's really engaging!!! this is a COOL fight with COOL things happening and we learn COOL information about both iruka and naruto's backstories and it's very sad :+(

iruka and naruto are both really similar and iruka is basically naruto's dad OK.

they defeat misaki and iruka gives naruto his headband Yayyyy


don't worry about how the ratio changed from a square to a rectangle i had to switch to a different website halfway through

DO I WANT TO WATCH MORE?

it's fucking naruto of course i do.

THERE'S 100 EPISODES OF IT.

FAVORITE SCREENSHOTS

i like this moment from the ending credits. the second one i think i was trying to get a photo of something else but it changed too quick so theyre just flying

HANADA SHOUNEN-SHI EPISODE 1

the opening and ending themes for this show are both by the backstreet boys.


jack: fucking huh?

yeah.

when i was listening to the opening i was like "wow this REALLY sounds like the backstreet boys. it cant be!" apparently this show is meant to be a comedy. i did not laugh even once. i think this is a true example of a japanese-equivalent to the curse that is American Adult Animated Comedy Shows. this is japanese family guy.

our main character is a rude little boy named ichiro who is constantly tormenting his friends, family members, and small dead frogs. he also pees in the hallway at night because he's too scared to go to the outhouse because he thinks there's a toilet ghost


im trying to think of how to summarize this episode.

car accident TW

the episode opens with ichiro stealing a bike while he's running away from his mom (while calling her a Demon Hag!) and then riding the bike down the stairs and getting Hit By A Fucking Lumber Truck. there is then a long sequence of ichiro slowly falling down the hill while he narrates over it.


when we get back up to when the accident happens, the anime for one brief and blissful moment takes a more serious turn. everybody is worried for ichiro and we see a bunch of people crowding around his body... and then we see Ichiro's Ghost looking over all of them.

dead ichiro goes "huh. guess i deserved that" and then he gets shot up 1000ft into the sky. because he's a ghost now. he spots another ghost flying up, too! a very pretty lady with long brown hair. ("Totally different from Fugly." -ichiro. fugly is what he calls his older sister)

he approaches the lady and yells at her to tell him where she's going, and if he can come along with her. the lady turns around,


And then ichiro's ghost is sent back to his body in the hospital. where all of his poor family are standing there sobbing and crying so so worried for him. and they all celebrate when he wakes up and starts complaining about how his head hurts. Awwww!


this is insane that he was just released from the hospital after a single day

Is this the end of the episode? Is ichiro going to do some character developing and become a nicer boy due to this experience? What if i told you that we are halfway through this episode.

the second half of the episode is just More Of Ichiro's Bullshit But He's BALD now because he had to get 9 stitches in his head. he breaks the sentimental black and white TV with a baseball bat that his grandpa had to save up money for when his other son DIED in WAR, he lights firecrackers inside the house and throws them at his MOTHER while she's COOKING, he gets haunted by the brown haired lady in the outhouse- Huh?

Yeah.

Ichiro's haunted now by the way. by the same brown-haired lady he saw when he died for a second. apparently he can just see ghosts now?

here's the brown haired girl haunting him. her name is yuki. and she wants ichiro to. help her?


and thats where the episode ends. Okay

DO I WANT TO WATCH MORE?

episode 5 is titled Old Dick Grandpa. Do you want to watch that?

FAVORITE SCREENSHOTS

for some reason they cut to this frog looking up solumnly at the moon at one point and i like him. at one point ichiro woke up from a bad dream and was so scared he went to his grandpa's futon to sleep instead and i thought that was sweet. they kept doing things that made me think "oh okay NOW ichiro's going to turn a new leaf and stop being so insane" and that just never happened.


This dog has human eyes.


and just how the fuck did they get the rights to TWO BACKSTREET BOYS SONGS?!